Parrot Talk
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"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
Double the Beer
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A man walks into a bar and orders a beer. While chatting with the bartender the man says: "I have a method that will enable you to double the amount of beer you sell every day."
"Really?!" says the bartender, "How?"
"Very simple. Just pour full glasses."
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Tough Account
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Jones applied to a finance agency for a job, buthe had no experience. He was so intense that the manager gave him a tough account with the promise that if he collected it, he'd get the job. Two hours later, Jones came back with the entire amount. "Amazing!" the manager said. "How did you do it?"
"Easy," Jones replied. "I told him if he didn't pay up, I'd tell all his other creditors he paid us."
--------------------------------------------------------Economist School
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An economist returns to visit his old school. He's interested in the current exam questions and asks his old professor to show some. To his surprise they are exactly the same ones to which he had answered 10 years ago!
When he asks about this the professor answers: "the questions are always the same - only the answers change.
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You might be an Accountant if...
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- You refer to your child as Deduction 214.
- You deduct Exlax as "Moving expenses".
- You have no idea that GAP is also a clothing store.
- At the move Indecent Proposal you did a NPV calculation.
- Getting to sleep is an exciting event that you look forward to all day long.
- Your idea of trashing your hotel room is refusing to fill out the guest comment card.
- You are doing it now because you checked the file and found that you did it last year.you decide to change your name to a symbol and you choose the double underline "======".
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Excitement
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"Why are you so excited?", the surgeon asked the patient that was about to be anesthetized.
"But doc, this is my first operation."
"Really? It's mine too, and I am not excited at all."
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Painter's Eye
There was this world famous painter. In the prime of her career, she started losing her eyesight. Fearful that she might lose her life as a painter, she went to see the best eye surgeon in the world.
After several weeks of delicate surgery and therapy, her eyesight was restored. The painter was so grateful that she decided to show her gratitude by repainting the doctor's office.
Part of her work included painting a gigantic eye on one wall. When she had finished her work, she held a press conference to unveil her latest work of art: the doctor's office.
During the press conference, one reporter noticed the eye on the wall, and asked the doctor, "What was your first reaction upon seeing your newly painted office, especially that large eye on the wall?"
To this, the eye doctor responded, "I said to myself 'Thank God I'm not a proctologist.'"
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